小論文への試み
テーマは、各国の出生率比較です。いわゆる合計特殊出生率 (TFR) について述べてあります。最初の文は、欠点がたくさんあります。たとえ文が incorrect （文法的にまちがっている）でなくとも、awkward （不自然・英文の流れに合わない）である部分は、母国語としている人でないとわからない場合があります。
Look at the chart below. This shows the area, population and total fertility rate (TFR) of five countries of the world. TFR is the average number of children a woman bears in her lifetime. If it is higher than 2.1, the population of that country increases, and if it is less than 2.1, the population decreases. The graph shows that the relationships among total special birthrate, the area and the population varies from country to country.
Japan is small in area, and the flat land occupies only a fraction of it. Most of the people crowd into the limited patches of flat lands, leading to reduced green space and farmland in the suburbs of large cities, and this increases the burden on our environment.
TFR has been ominously coming down since Japan reached to the apex of bubble era in the 1990s, after years of spectacular economic growth starting at the end of the war. Women advance into the workplace, while official assistance for helping raise their children is still miserably insufficient.
Surprisingly, TFR in South Korea is slightly lower than in Japan. In addition to the various hardship of raising children, it is reported that in the course of many years of economic growth, traditional Confucian values has turned into modern ones in favor of having fewer children.
Russia has a TFR slightly higher than South Korea, but in fact considerably lower than Japan and if this remains low, Russia, whose population is roughly as large as that of Japan, and which has a high mortality rate after a long period of social confusion following the collapse of the Soviet Union, may go through a drastic population decrease in the near future.
France has an area one and a half times larger than and a population half that of Japan. Furthermore, a large part of land consists of plains. France was long suffering from low TFR, but is now getting nearer to the 2.1. This may be partly because the government-led measures for helping parents have proved effective.
In Africa, birth rate is generally high, though mortality rate is also high. The population growth depends on the food supply, hygienic state and the public health care of the country. Niger has the highest TFR in the world. But the food production is unstable, and many problems are to be solved before they achieve steady population growth.
Generous official assistance may be of some help to raise TFR in the developed countries, but the population of the world has just exceeded six thousand and five hundred million, and unless the population growth as a whole is halted or some effort to reduce it is made, there is a possibility of overpopulation exerting devastating impact on the whole earth
458words
| Japan | Niger | South Korea | Russia | France | |
| Area （1000Km²） | ３７８ | １２６７ | ９９ | １７０７５ | ５５２ |
| Population （1000） | １２６６８８ | １１９７２ | ４７７００ | １４３２６４ | ６０１４４ |
| Total fertility rate | １．２９ | ７．９１ | １．１６ | 1.17 | １．９４ |
World Bank Atlas 2003 and World Population Prospects The 2004 Revision
Look at the chart below, which shows the area, population and total fertility rate (TFR) of five countries. TFR is the average number of children a woman bears in her lifetime. If it is higher than 2.1, the population of that country increases, and if it is less than 2.1, the population decreases. The graph shows that the relationship between total fertility rate, area and population varies from country to country.
Japan is a small country, and only a fraction of its total area is flat. Most of the people are crowded into these limited patches of flat land, leading to reduced green space and farmland in the suburbs of large cities, and this increases the burden on our environment.
Ominously, TFR in Japan has been coming down since just before the bubble burst in the 1990s, after years of spectacular economic growth starting at the end of the Second World War. Women have moved into the workplace, while what the government does to help them raise their children is still miserably insufficient.
TFR in South Korea is slightly lower than that in Japan. In addition to the various hardships involved in child-raising, it seems that many years of economic growth, have caused people to reject Confucian values. This has resulted in them having fewer children.
Russia's TFR slightly higher than South Korea's, but considerably lower than Japan's, and if this remains low, Russia, whose population is roughly as large as that of Japan, and which has a high mortality rate after a long period of social confusion following the collapse of the Soviet Union, may go through a drastic population decrease in the near future.
France, with a population half that of Japan, is one and a half times its size. For many years France's TFR was low, but it is now approaching the level at which population increases. This may be partly because the government-led measures for helping parents have proved effective.
In Africa, the birth rate is generally high, though the mortality rate is also high. The population growth depends on the food supply, hygienic state and the public health care of the country. Niger has the highest TFR in the world. But food production is unstable, and many problems need to be solved before they achieve steady population growth.
However, perhaps population growth is not something which should be encouraged. Generous official aid may be helping to raise TFR in developed countries, but the population of the world has just exceeded six and a half billion, and unless population growth as a whole is halted or some effort to reduce it is made, there is a possibility of overpopulation having a devastating impact on the whole earth.
453words
| Japan | Niger | South Korea | Russia | France | |
| Area （1000Km²） | ３７８ | １２６７ | ９９ | １７０７５ | ５５２ |
| Population （1000） | １２６６８８ | １１９７２ | ４７７００ | １４３２６４ | ６０１４４ |
| Total fertility rate | １．２９ | ７．９１ | １．１６ | 1.17 | １．９４ |
World Bank Atlas 2003 and World Population Prospects The 2004 Revision
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